Well, everyone’s been posting about Johnnie Walker Game of Thrones. I finally had it, and I hated it. In fact, hate is an understatement.
It’s as torturous as being behind a Prius driving 60 MPH in the fast lane. It is the sound of an obstreperous screech (well above the frequency level of Middle C on a piano) coming from a child’s mouth inside a restaurant.
Some men think glitter is their nemesis. Well, this whisky is definitely the Kyptonite to my Superman. This tastes like Kombucha…and Kombucha sucks ass cuz it’s a Double Debbie Downer. Kamucha tastes like the love child of an IPA and a Sour beer without an end game. Both of these drinks taste like last night’s regret with a double shot of vomit, minus the buzz. Komubucha is like wine. …They’re both different types of liars. Wine is fruit juice pretending to be alcohol and Kambucha is vinegar pretending to be a healthy drink at Whole Foods.
I imagine this is what it feels like when an old, rich guy is being hustled by a hot chick in pleather, thigh-high boots. It looks good on the surface, but hot damn. There goes your JP Morgan Chase Palladium Visa. You just got bitched-slapped in the face by a hustler with acrylic nails and hair extensions.
Look. I don’t hate Johnnie Walker. In fact, I like the Green Label, Blue Label and Double Black. I think King George is good, too, but some of the stuff from them can get pretty expensive. For a value blend I think Monkey Shoulder is great (but maybe unfair to compare since there’s some malty goodness in that blend, but I’m sure Jason may disagree with me :p). I think if I had a lot of money I’d stock up on King George. HAHA. It’s expensive, but it’s delicious. I love the artwork on this GoT bottle, but that’s about it. On the flip side, everyone’s palate is different and it’s subjective. Opinions are buttholes. Everyone has one and the things that come out of orifices are shit (insert: my opinion. teehee).
I’ve been known to be too harsh, and sometimes I should be softer. I hear that the hardest gig to have is being a master blender, so it’s rude of me to feel this strongly about a whisky. That’s where I feel really torn when I hate something.
I mean, do I have a right to talk shit on someone or a team when I don’t know how to make whisky at all? UGH. On top of that, I was reminded of my experience working at a bar. There was a man who came off super hyper-masculine to me. He was flaunting his cash, and he told me he brought some King George to New Orleans. He mentioned it 3 times because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted from me.
Finally, he said, “It’s a $600 bottle.” I looked at him dead in the eye and said, “Yeah. I know.” Then, we had a 3-second, Wild West Showdown. His eyes said, “F U. I can’t believe you’re not impressed by my money,” and my eyes said, “F U. HARDER. You think I’m gonna metaphorically like your D cuz you got cash? Get off my lawn.” (I promise on my mama’s last name I am not a full-fledged Dragon Lady. My nickname is Gentle Lotus Flower on the streets…ok. Maybe that last part was a lie).
Later on, I went home and thought about the situation and I thought, “Ya know what? People want to be validated, loved and understood. Why am I coming off like a Dragon Lady? I’m in the service industry. WTF.” Sometimes it’s hard, man, but I do know when I soften up I’m able to get to know people better. The ones with swag and bravado drop their guard down and they end up being pretty nice.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you buy this and it makes you happy go for it. For me, I’m dippin out on this one. On the flip side, I will give this another shot and revisit it when I see my friend who owns a bottle. This is, of course, a first glance and it may change and open up like a blossoming butterfly…or it may just suck. IDK.
Images from Diageo.